Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'm Looking for Something

I'm looking for something
What is it?
I'm looking for something
Not like the same old same
I'm searching and seeking
My mind won't let me settle
What I want
I can't get from man
What I want
I can't get from me
What I want
Is totally SUPERnatural
Better than natural
It's outside of what I can see
But it's what I already know
From the beginning
Even before I was formed
I knew what it was
Or should I say Who?

Friday, March 5, 2010

In Like a Lion. . .

Ha! Wow. God is quite incredible don't you think? Just when I think I'm doing big things and making strides and looking good God says, "You might want to check the mirror before you go out." This week has been one of the most revealing and wonderfully abrasive weeks of my life. I guess I should start from the beginning. My sister mentioned to me before the end of February that her choir, MINISTRY (*that's their name and mission), would be doing a 21-day Daniel Fast (Daniel 10:2-3, "In those days I, Daniel was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled."). They always do a fast of some sort before their anniversary concert, but this year they wanted to do the 21 days before their concert this March. Instantly, I knew that this fast was for me and I needed to do it even though I'm not an "official" member of the choir. No meat, no animal by-products, no sugar, no artificial sweeteners,no artificial anything, no preservatives, no beverages other than pure water, etc. Real basic eating and drinking. It's only been 5 days, but I have never been confronted with such a real picture of who I am and who God is making me to be. I know now that I am selfish. I would like to (and usually do) have my cake to myself (you already knew I was going to eat it). I know now that I am spoiled (rarely do I deny myself). I know now that I am fiercely independent (with much emphasis on the fierce). I also know now that I have a desire and heart for God that was hidden under all this flesh. I know that all these fleshly things are being replaced with a knowledge of God and what He will do and give me as I yoke up with Him. I know it's only week one, but that was really all that was needed to show me how much I depend on myself and my flesh to see me through. Simple things like "No, CeCe, I realize you want this particular item to eat. Even though there's nothing wrong with it, it's not what I want for you right now." I would have my panic attack/tantrum, and make accusations, and worry that I'm going crazy, and that I need to eat, Lord, this is an eating fast (Uuunnghh!), and then I try to wrap my mind around what He is asking (I surrender), and then He comes in and shows me a better way. I'm having less and less of those fights (well, more like my short arms trying to box with God), and now I can say "Okay Lord, I do want this thing, but I want You more." I claim the victory though the battle is not over.

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