Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Happy New Year! Yes, I am fully aware of the fact that it is now February but to me the year is still fairly new, you know, like a car not long driven off the lot. I still have a lot of miles left on 2014. Please don't ask me why I'm up at 2 am and really don't ask me why I'm blogging...LOL! I have been pondering about when I was coming back to make my 6 month post and here I am. It's funny how life goes. I have been living now as a single mother for the last 3 years (officially in April).
I recognize that I am now finding out what life is really about: Neighbors that play loud music in the apartment overhead (at 2 am...), looks directed towards me from insecure people as though I have the plague (divorce cooties), children who think they rule the world, students who think they rule the world, bills, bills, bills, and more bills, attacks on every side, genuine moments of gritty, yet irreplaceable, unconditional love, and most of all hope. I have so much hope for my future I practically ooze with it!
I honestly guess I'm saying all this to say: As long as I have breath I will continue to move forward: Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. I'm not just looking for tomorrow to have the answers for today, neither am I looking back to wonder and ponder about what I did wrong to make my life what it is. It is what it is, and I don't believe in coincidence. I know at the end of it all the questions I've had about some of the dark threads in the tapestry of my life will be revealed by the One who is weaving it. I have no doubts that God holds my past, my present, and my future. So with that said, "Ha, devil! You thought you had me but greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!"
Here is my declaration for 2014 (and the rest of my life): What God has for me is for me. He sees the train of my life. He knows the thoughts He thinks towards me, thoughts of peace and not to harm me, to give me a hope and an expected end (my future). Jeremiah 29:11 (CeCe paraphrase). I am certain that all the strife, joys, struggles, strengths, heartaches, dolores de la cabeza (headaches), problems, triumphs, foolishness, faithlessness, faithfulness, fear and fearlessness has been to mold and shape me into the person God knows I am before my mother's mother's mother's mother was a thought. I will stand (even if that is all I can do), and as I stand I will trust. As I trust I will grow and I will live the purpose God has set for me since the beginning of the ages: to glorify Him with all that I am.