Wednesday, May 4, 2011

OMG It's STILL here!!!!

Just Kidding! I  knew my blog was still here but I've been as busy as a hornet in a sting fest working on my Masters Degree. I promise if I knew that all you-know-what was going to break loose after my first 'A' I probably would not have started, but then again. . . This is the one thing in my life that I decided to do for myself. I don't even think getting married and having children was something that I decided to do for myself. Ok, ok. I was involved in those processes and the decisions were partially mine, however, my motivation for doing most of what I have done in my life has been about other people. I am a class A example of  People Pleaser. The type of degree I chose in college, who I married, how I got married, how many children I had in many ways had to do with other people's influence in my life and wanting to make them comfortable or happy. That's a really hard way to live because at the end of the day it's not really living. You relinquish your power to chose: how to love, who to love, who you are and want to be, as well as what  makes you happy. I'm not talking about selfishness: I'm talking about having the freedom to be a sweet (salty, cantankerous, emotional, kind, crusty, cruel, understanding,straight-up, low-down,  happy, melancholy, boisterous, calm , etc.) person not because you figure that's what's expected of you and will keep people feeling "OK" with you, but because that is actually who you are and want to be. Good, bad, and ugly, I want to be who I am and whether or not people are Ok with my Ok-ness, I don't want to stop being me and stop becoming that person I want to be. It's so good to be back. . .

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