Ok sooo. . .

Ok sooo, here I am again posting after three months of silence. It's not that I don't have anything important to say but I think I've become a harried housewife. You know, too much to do and adding on more because it wouldn't feel actually right to slow down. I can't sit down because there are dishes to wash, clothes to wash and to iron, children and spouse(s) to feed, baby to nurse, carpets to vacuum, beds to make, floors to mop and wax, and when and if all of that is done somehow I must make myself not look like the bride of Frankenstein's Monster by washing and curling my hair, putting on matching clothes that don't start with "sweat" and if for no other reason than to avoid being followed by strange and otherworldly smells, I must take a shower. If I can manage all of those things before midnight I can go to bed only to begin the circus all over again around 5:30 in the morning. Now with all that said: How on earth under heaven did I find the time to write this? Simple. It is my vent. If I don't write my mental illness called life will get out of control and my brain will implode. Writing is my Valium. Writing allows me to balance the chemicals for a lot less than the cost of a Prozac or Opium and I can look back on what ever I was venting about and laugh, cry or whatever because life circumstances never, ever last forever. Life is constantly changing and I am learning to adapt with Grace: Day by day, moment by moment. So if you are feeling like a harried housewife, a harassed husband, a convoluted companion, whatever. Find your vent. Save your brain.

Lots To Think About

Wow! It's been a year since I've posted on this blog and I am not as deeply ashamed of myself as I was for the other blog I have that I have not posted on in TWO years, but I am ashamed nonetheless. I was looking back over some of the things I wrote to myself to unknown others and I couldn't help but smile at how deep thoughts can run when you allow yourself to be open and free about what it is you feel and think. I've had so many life changes in the last year that I don't know if I actually processed them all appropriately. A new job come and gone, a new baby, a new kind of spouse (same guy, different behavior), a new outlook on where I'm going and how, and the realization that I just might be a little older and possibly a little wiser. I'm finding that not everything I want in life is really "it." I thought I wanted two children and that was all I could handle. Amazing how the stretched mind and body can be much more flexible than previously believed. I thought I needed a job in order for my husband to respect me and to give me the proper support. Isn't it something when you add more to your plate and discover that what you thought you wanted and what you actually want and get are remarkably different. I handled having a job and raising two and a half children the best way I could. I felt ashamed when I didn't succeed as I thought I should have and wondered if I was destined to "just" be a good mom and stay out of the gladiator's arena called career. But time at home with my three boys has proven a mighty healer and wonderful deliverer. The fact is, I AM a good mom. I AM a good employee. I AM a good wife. And even (more like especially) when I'm not trying to be; I AM a good person. None of those labels define me in and of themselves, yet without them I cannot be myself. This year is a very interesting one for me. I plan to do what I have always wanted to do. I'm going to write: More and more, day by day. Pretty soon I hope to get published somewhere. Even if not forever as a career, I want to do it just so that I can say I did it and I can do it. Even as I say that, in my heart I know I am a writer and if it were my only choice, I'd feel like I'm getting the better end of the deal. Anyway, Look up!