Sunday, April 19, 2009

To the Husbands, To the Dads

Yet another family was found slain in their home yesterday, apparently at the hand of the patriarch of the household. My heart is in a deep quandary about what to say to this rash, rant, rave, recurrence, whatever you want to call it of people self-destructing in this time of economic hardship and stress. I want to encourage the husbands and fathers out there: Every problem, no matter how big or imposing it may seem, is not insurmountable. No,it won't be easy. I know that. It can be overwhelming when you're feeling the pinch and you are responsible for so many lives. I know what it's like to be a wife whose husband lost his job and was facing tough financial problems. I know what it is like to make do with what we have and there isn't anything to "make do" with. It doesn't help you when your wife knows you're trying but still has difficulty coping. Bear in mind that we wives aren't trying to belittle you or to emphasize your failures. We are GOING THROUGH your crisis WITH you and we are feeling all the pressures you feel. Please understand that we are not aloof to what you are facing unless you try to hide your problems from us. We do know when something is wrong or even tend to already know of your situation, but still we must try to keep an even keel to help you and to keep some sense of normalcy in the family and it can be very difficult for us. Don't assume your wife is a part of the problem. Your wife is not another nail in your coffin. She may just be the strongest truss in your bridge. Please, please, please don't give in to the temptation to "disappear." It will only create more problems for those you leave behind: For example,how your parents plan to assemble a mass funeral for their son, daughter in law, and only grandchildren. If you are at a point in your life where you feel you are losing control, look outside of yourself for a solution. There are so many people that are willing to help if you reach out. There is always a solution if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone to find it. With so many lives at stake, there is really no good time for preserving your "pride." To me, doing desperate things like eradicating your family shows a terrible lack of real pride and an awful lot of selfishness on your part. I am praying for our families and praying for the husbands and fathers out there not to drop the ball. The game isn't over yet.

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